Monday, November 03, 2008

GOTV!!!

We're almost done with this! I'm so excited and plan to GOTV tomorrow. I have to refrain from wearing eye make-up because win or lose (yeah, right), I'll be in tears for sure.

You've seen my list. Now here's a message from Brother Ed:

Friends,
Of course tomorrow will be the biggest election in modern history. For this reason, I have put together a sample ballot "Cheat-Sheet" that you can take along with you to the polls. Know that I am completely comfortable with the positions I have taken, and for your own piece of mind, I think you should just trust me on these matters. I assure you, we'll all sleep better at night if you do. Also, feel free to distribute this list to as many people you know. Be sure to let them know that this is how I intend to vote tomorrow. This should give them peace of mind.

I guess you should also know that my ballot decisions are not based on logic, political insight, thorough knowledge of issues, or even common sense. No, no… not this year. Tomorrow's election is all about the young voter, and one thing is certain; young voters love sex and sex appeal. Because there are so many sexy issues and candidates on tomorrow's ballot, I have based all of my decisions entirely on the “sex factor.”

Here are my sexy picks:
PRESIDENT & VICE PRESIDENT
Barack Obama & Joe Biden
Two Sexy MFs. If they were R&B artists, they'd be Barry White and Michael McDonald. You got it, damn sexy. McCain, on the other hand has absolutely no sex appeal. We do know why Palin was picked as McCain's running mate, though. She is every Young Republican’s wet dream. Just imagine a Budweiser bikini-clad Sarah Palin draped over the hood of a Nascar. I know I have, but that’s a scary thought in and of itself.

CALIFORNIA CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICTS (in the North Bay)
* Remember, I only vote for the sexy people

6th District: Lynn Woolsey, sexiest 71 year old hottie in the House

1st District: Mike Thompson, he's got a Vietnam Vet kinda sexiness working for him

9th District: Barbara Lee, "Barbara Lee Does IT for Me"

? District: Democrat Candidate of Choice, they're all just so sexy


CALIFORNIA LEGISLATIVE DISTRICTS (in the North Bay)

State Assembly: District 7: Noreen Evans, dare I say, I have a sexy boss

State Senate: District 3: Mark Leno, if I wasn't a straight man...

State Assembly: District 1: Wes Chesbro, got that whole Tom Selleck mustache thing going on

State Assembly: District 6: Jared Huffman, member of the 1987 World Champion US Volleyball Team, how sexy is that


SONOMA COUNTY BOARD OF SUPERVISORS

District 5: Rue Furch, West County sexy environment friendly naturalist, yeow

District 3: Shirlee Zane, one sexy redhead

District 1: Valerie Brown, oh, baby... don't even get me started


SONOMA COUNTY CITY COUNCIL RACES

Santa Rosa City Council, 4-Year Seat:

Michael Allen, the naughty nurse

Lee Pierce, think Shaft, without the hair

Gary Wysocky, sex on wheels

Marsha Vas Dupre, Cougar

Santa Rosa City Council, 2-Year Seat:

Judy Kennedy, sassy bitch

Petaluma City Council:

Tiffany Renee, she only looks innocent

David Glass, the bookworm type

Spence Burton, don't really know him, but i've been told he satisfies the ladies

Sebastopol City Council:

Kathleen Shaffer, the naughty librarian

Jen Thille, will give you thrills

Cotati City Council:

Janet Orchard, ahh...if I were only this Diva’s type

Windsor City Council:

Debora Fudge, better than chocolate

Healdsburg City Council:

Mike Mcguire, "Hott Damn!"


CANDIDATES—SPECIAL DISTRICTS:

Cotati/Rohnert Park Unified School District:

Ed Gilardi, makes you want to stay after school, if you know what I mean


PROPOSITIONED

1A High-Speed Passenger Train Bond Act for the 21st Century.

YES, c'mon baby, do the loco-high speed-motion with me


Prop 2 Treatment of Farm Animals

YES, being locked in a cage is only sexy for so long. I wouldn't want to spend my whole life that way


Prop 3 Children's Hospital Bond Act

YES, more hospitals, more hot nurses


Prop 4 Teen Safety

NO, ain't nothing sexy about endangering the health of young ladies


Prop 5 Nonviolent Offenders Rehabilitation Act

YES, rehabilitation, think of it as a "safe word"


Prop 6 Safe Neighborhoods Act

NO, this is definitely not the "girl next door" kind of Prop.


Prop 7 Renewable Energy

NO, this is a scam. if you want to save energy, just do it with the lights off


Prop 8 Marriage Inequality

NO, hate ain't sexy, neither are the Knights of Columbus "vote No on ha-8"


Prop 9 Victims' Rights and Protection Act

NO, if you're into "Caged Heat" save our State’s tax dollars by going to the video rental store


Prop 10 California Alternative Fuels Initiative

NO, sounds inviting, but T.Boone Pickens is not at all sexy.


Prop 11 Redistricting

NO, a Republican power-grab is NOT sexy. stick with the reacharound


Prop 12 Veterans Bond Act.

YES, help veterans do things in the privacy of their own homes


Measure Q

YES, just imagine all the sexy things you can do while commuting

2 Added Something:

Anonymous anna quipped...

I love brother Ed. I forwarded the message to my colleagues in the North Bay so that they might consider the "sex factor" when voting (or helping educate others to vote).

I'm going to bed now so that I can walk to my polling place tomorrow morning at 7AM to mix it up with my neighbors.

Monday, November 03, 2008 10:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Sacha quipped...

Very helpful Ed! I only wish you would opine on SF City candidates and props. Who is sexier, community organizer and cancer survivor Eric Quezada or crazy cougar Eva Royale? Is it sexy to name a sanitation facility after Bush?

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 10:29:00 AM  

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